I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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