I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
