so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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