Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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