Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you never un-have a 4some
my liver is dry heaving
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
