I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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