Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
