Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
