and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
