no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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