apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
