another moral hangover. fuck.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
