i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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