one two three fourrrrnication!
there was a trapeze. enough said
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
