Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I need moral support for this bender
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
