yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
