Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
