my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
