I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
