Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
