i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
