Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize