My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
