Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
