Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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