Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
