im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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