So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
