as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize