wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need moral support for this bender
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize