I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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