you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
