ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
