You can't motorboat a personality
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
