from now on my penis is your penis
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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