Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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