youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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