My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
