it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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