Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
