I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just had sex on a roof
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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