I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
