hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
