All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
