I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
