Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
