You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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