a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
