You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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