woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
