I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
