is your mom at the bar?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
