So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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