maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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