i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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