While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
