And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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