Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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