Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize