he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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