I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
