You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
