I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
