Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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