I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
