he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
