fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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