Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
