where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
