looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize