I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
