i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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