who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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